Please Stop Hurting Me Because I Have Cancer
– #Stop #Hurting #Cancer
- I have had cancer twice and I also have type 1 diabetes.
- When people find out, they often tell me about their own medical injuries or those they know.
- I wish they would stop; It just brings back bad memories of my experience.
“My aunt also had cancer. She lost her battle,” an acquaintance said. I tried to remind myself that they were trying to have some kind of trauma session with me, which might make them feel better. But it made me feel uncomfortable and agitated.
When someone finds out that I have both autoimmune diseases – type 1 diabetes – and I’ve had breast cancer twice, I have one of two responses. The first response is kindness and “How are you?” in a low voice. There is a mixture of pity and fear; after all, I remind them of their own mortality.
The second response I get is one I call shedding trauma, or at least, trying to do so. The person tries to relate to me and my experience by telling me what happened to someone they know, usually a close friend or family member. But sometimes it’s alienating, and I find myself hearing about my old neighbor’s mom.
I understand the desire to spill the beans, but it’s the wrong way to connect with you
Many of us who are sick – whether it’s something physical like cancer or something mental like depression – are often known, or made, of these conditions. We are praised for being inspired, broken, or something in between. We have been judged and we have been praised. It’s an unusual place to be; we find ourselves living in a “wounded” body, always fighting to survive.
I think people throw me just to try to connect, to share with me to somehow understand my journey, but also because they have a burning need to share a juicy story. After all, celebrity gossip is rarely something happy, like the birth of a child or a wedding. Sure, Ben Affleck and Jennifer Lopez’s wedding was hot news for a while, but the death of Queen Elizabeth II and the details about Meghan and Harry holding hands against protocol proved to be more interesting. The most popular headlines are usually about fraud scandals, “unbelievable” physical changes, and disasters.
Most people like to eat desperate stories, difficult stories, but always at a safe distance. My cancer, for example, puts people – especially women my age – in a position to worry about things they haven’t really experienced themselves. They question whether they will also face my fate. They deviated from telling me that someone else had cancer.
I also admit that some open to me may go through their cancer journey or their loved ones, but it does not mean that I always have the size to jump in their situation. I’m very upset about dealing with what’s going on in my life.
I’m not cold-hearted, but people often start these stories without asking if I have a place to hear what they’re going to talk about, and without being given the opportunity to make boundaries in these situations, I’m not the best. and the healthiest soul. Regardless of the reason a person sheds his injury, I find it worse.
It reminds me of my own experiences when I hear these stories
Every time someone says the C-word, I am sent back to months of chemotherapy infusions, radiation treatments, and surgeries. How can I be? The best-selling book “The Body Guards the Bridge” argues that trauma is stored in our cells, minds, and souls.
We can’t just “walk through” or “get over” something like cancer like cancer. Whether we feel that we are growing or living, those of us who have cancer are given the experience wherever we go, even if it is pronounced NED, which stands for “no evidence of disease.”
I’ve worked hard to process what happened to me and move forward with “passionate hope,” a term I love coined by Nightbirde, a musician who died of cancer this year. I am in therapy, eat a balanced diet, exercise daily, take my vitamins, meditate, pray, and prioritize sleep. I may have three glasses of wine a year. I don’t smoke and I won’t smoke. I work my ass off for a living.
Just because I’ve had cancer twice doesn’t mean I’m doomed. I have great compassion for anyone who experiences health struggles. However, cancer has stolen enough from me – including my breasts. I can’t take more damage.
You may be wondering why I am not telling the garbage collectors to stop at this point. I’m working on a way to politely tell someone that their story is none of my business.
The thing is, if I’m not given the space or consideration to say I don’t want to hear someone else’s pain, it’s up to me to cut them off, which can feel cruel and uncaring, and I don’t want to feel that. so or make someone else think I am, even if it’s actually an act of self-control – and one that will protect my relationship with them in the end.
It’s something I need to know for my own healing; After all, my journey is the most important to me.
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